Those are words a guy trying to follow the Lord never wants to hear from someone close to him. When we hear those words, we immediately become scared for our hearts. It's like it just creeped up on us like a lion in the night. We're just so infatuated with how things are going and how they are progressing, and then all of a sudden we've got these huge teeth sunk into our side that we have no power to free ourselves of. How did this happen?
We got lazy
Sometimes, this is just a matter of being lazy in keeping up with how God might be directing us in a different direction with our relationship. We get caught up in the beauty of the moments we're together and and our focus slowly turns to her instead of God. This is so easy to do. God created this beautiful person and it's not hard for our brains to rationalize leaving our walk with Him for a walk with her.
We confused infatuation with love
Love is so much more than our emotions and our hormones. In fact, one might say love has never had anything to do with either of those things. I'd say, for me, the line is very blurry and God is slowly making the difference more and more clear every day. It is very clear in 1 Corinthians what true love looks like.
1 Corinthians 4-7
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Have you ever heard the phrase "if you love her you'll let her go"? I truly think this comes from people who have had the experience of someone who's had strong feelings for someone who has slowly waned in their feelings back. This is difficult to go through, but it's a lesson many of us have learned. When you hold on to someone who is no longer fully committed to the relationship, you are telling yourself a lie and hurting them in the process. To give them their space is to show them you love them. Even if that space never goes away and you never see them again.
She is "the one"
As guys in a constant walk and relationship with God, we are always listening for God to speak those words into our heart. We long for that crystal clear clarity of who God has placed in our path to be the one who was/is "meant to be". This is God's design and they are good. Woman was no mistake, but a very intentional creation as God has never been known to accidentally create anything bad.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Wow! How amazing is that? God, in fact, saw woman as just the right fit for a companion in a man's life. He knew we would never do the things we can do as men without a woman who understands the world in ways we can't even comprehend. The beauty He created that day has been softening hearts, encouraging lives, and giving life to His creation from the day Adam shouted in such great joy.
“At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”
How do you love?
So, how do we not become attached in those relationships God puts into our lives? Not on our own, that much is for sure. To truly love another person is to love God, and our track record of that is certainly not full of success stories. We are fallen beings who have inherited sinful hearts and sinful ways of living. It's a vicious cycle only He can provide a way out of.
There is hope, though for your heart, and guarding it the way Proverbs 4:23 puts it. He will teach you. But do this knowing ful well we can't love her without having our heart broken. We can't love her without making mistakes that we must repent of. We can't love her without being vulnerable about our past failings and our incapacity to truly love her the way God does. We can't love her without letting her go and letting God be her savior, not us. We can't love her without God.